Monday, July 27, 2009

Inferiority complex

I was always one of the youngest in my class at school & have pretty much always had older friends. For some reason this always seems to make me feel like the "novice" of the group or that I always get more support/advice than I give. Especially with other Mothers.
It's strange that I often feel I don't really have much to add in the way of advice or experience except for my amusing anticdotes. Often the women I feel would have little to gain from my experience might have younger or less kids than me. So I actually might have more experience to share but still feel like I'm on my training wheels because of my age. And I'm the same with younger mums too.
I am usually pretty confident. I am not shy to meet new people or speak my piece. But for some reason when it comes to other Mothers I feel like I still have so much to learn from everyone else & little to share.
This seems to contradict how I actually parent my girls. I'm comitted to a connected and natural parenting style-which in itself requires confidence to walk a path less travelled & make choices much of the mainstream would discourage. Not to mention challenging the veiws society has about how kids should behave.
Maybe it's because parenting is such a massive journey. Maybe it's because I have learned so much about myself since becoming a Mother that I feel I've only scratched the surface on what there is to learn. Maybe I just take a lot of inspiration from all the other awesome Mamas I know. But I do need to realize that I have a fair bit of life experience when it comes to having kids & being a Mama.

Sorry for the ramble...thinking out loud


Sif said...

I was thinking yesterday (well, all weekend actually) that sometimes I find it hard to believe I'm actually the mum of four kids, ranging from 10 years down to 9 months. As a mum, I feel very confident and yet I often feel inferior to other mums (and I've found because I feel this way, sometimes other mums condescend towards me, so watch out for that)... I guess it just taken me a long while to feel comfortable and at home in this role - though you might feeling differently.

The learning curve is steep and you went from mum of none to mum of three in less than four years! That's a lot of adjustment in a short amount of time!

Stitch Sista said...

I think we all (at times) carry a perception of ourselves that is different than what others see.

Also, it is very hard to compare mothering experience. Three kids in four years is different than three kids in 8 years for example. I think we all have some advice to share at times...and it's about life experience, not your age.

Today I shared with the local fruit shop lady who is having her fourth that your waters can rupture spontaneously all the way up to delivery (or not as the case me be when bub is in the caul)...i.e you don't actually HAVE to have them broken GAH! She didn't know that!

katef - said...

I actually think you share your experiences and knowledge really well with other mothers... probably because of the fact that you don't always feel so confident to give advice. You always seem to be able to share a little anecdote or tid bit that gets across a message or makes others think without making them feel preached at or judged....

I'm sitting her a little amazed that you don't see that in yourself! LOL

Tho I do know what you mean... I used to think I knew heaps about kids and parenting etc.. then I had my own kids and found out I knew absolutely nothing!

Anonymous said...

FWIW.. You come across differently than how you feel. You make feel at ease and I have massive anxiety issues when it comes to talking with other Mamas and people in general. xx Nina

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