Saturday, July 31, 2010

A glossary of co-sleeping scenarios

If you have co-slept, even once, you will probably relate to a few of these.

The "H"
Two adults, or an adult and the wall, with the child sleeping horizontally between them. One adult gets the kicky feet and the other gets headbutts to the stomach.

The "blue-tit"
Not a bird. This happens when you roll over and feed your nursling in a semi-awake daze and promptly fall back asleep. Nursling finishes and rolls over leaving your breast out in the cold for as long as it takes you to wake up.

The "minefield"
When you find all the great things your kids leave in bed for you to discover when you roll on them at 2am. Like sand, tan bark, spiky dinosaur toys, cars and duplo.

The "contraceptive"
When your child/ren will only sleep in the middle of the adults. Also see the "H".

The "I didn't sign up for this"
When you are puked on, wake up to a leaky poo nappy or, as once happened to me, you toilet learning toddler sits on you mistaking you for the toilet and wees all over you.

The "Seinfeld"
When you are woken by your kids talking in their sleep, usually hilarious.

The "Godfather"
Not a horses head on you pillow but your child's.

The "shadow"
The child that sticks to you and is cuddled either into your back or in the crook of your arm.

The "bag of kittens"
When the child you sleep next to WON'T STOP MOVING even when they are sound asleep.

The "angels of the morning"
Older children who have their own beds and rooms but love to sneak in for a cuddle in the morning (I STILL do this when I stay with my parents)

The "happy campers"
the smug family who get more sleep, don't have to get out of bed and enjoy extra bonding and cuddles because they co-sleep.

13 comments:

katepickle said...

I'm suffering from Blue Tit and one you missed 'hunch back' - when you walk around with a crick neck and one arm/shoulder at a slight odd angle from trying not to smother your baby while nursing in bed

Clel said...

Hahaha.

I'll elaborate on the Blue Tit - the Homicidal Blue Tit - when the 4yo who is NOT meant to feed overnight notices an unattended Blue Tit and goes in for the kill - just as Blue Tit owner wakes and notices what is about to transpire. ;)

bonnie said...

This post is HILARIOUS! So true. Can I also add the Crucifixion, when the baby lying between the two adults insists on spreading their arms out as wide as they will go, ensuring said adults are banished to the cold edges of the bed.

Nic said...

ROFL !!

I have one to add. The 'dead arm' when your child will only sleep on your outstretched arm.

Rachael said...

LOL the shadow is know as the barnacle here :).

Garden Pheenix said...

This post is hilarious ^_^ <3

Sif said...

Also, "the starfish", similar to the H except child lays on back or front in the middle of the bed with all limbs stretched out to form a starfish shape, leaving the parents clinging to the edge of the mattress in their sleep.

"the parents as bedding" where your child uses the small of your back or waist (if you're on your side) as a pillow.

"the miniature waterfall" similar concept to the parents as bedding, only this time your child sleeps with their head on your head, and they drool...

"the dead arm" another version of parents as bedding where the child rest their head on your bicep causing the circulation to the rest of your arm to be cut off.

Sif said...

Ooops, Nic covered the dead arm, and Bonnie's crucifix is similar to the starfish...

Megs said...

Yes but what do you call it when parents end up using the bedside table as a pillow??? lol

Rainbow JenJen said...

Lol, great post!!
And ouch, how the "blue-tit" hurts if they spot it before you do and come dive bomb latch on before you have time to hide it from the deep freeze ;)

Highlights to Housework said...

I have just stumbled across your blog and found this post hilarious! What a great read

Jessica @ clothdiaperingmama said...

hahahahaha!!!!

i like the "i didn't sign up for this"...the past couple of weeks the first words i hear from my 3.5 year old are...."mommy...i had an accident..." family bed does not equal family toilet!!!!!!

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