Friday, September 10, 2010

Scaredey fat.

I have a few things coming up that strike fear into the hearts of fatties everywhere. A family party, 2 concerts and a holiday..a SUMMER holiday. Requiring me in swimmers.

The thing is that I'M mostly ok with my weight. So why the fear??

1-I'm going to have to go shopping for some new clothes. Clothes shopping is the natural enemy of the fat woman. I don't have a ton of cash to spend on fancy gear so I'm going to have to make do with chain store type stuff. I'm an Australian size 18 which is kind of like limbo. I am the last size in the "normal range", if they make it or the 1st size in the plus sizes (I find a 16 in plus sizes fits fine but a regular 16 is too small. Le sigh). So I kind of have a choice between the clothes probably being a little too tight as they are not made for fat women but look "cool" or clothes that fit better (maybe) but that I probably don't like.

2-People will notice that I've put on weight. I hate them noticing. I hate that I hate them noticing.

3-swimmers and the beach. It is these 2 things that make me realize just how far I have to go on my body acceptance journey. I am very self conscious about being on the beach in nothing but swimwear with all the beachy types. The message from the media is clear-fat is disgusting. Not only am I fat. I'm hairy. I loved this post at Definatalie about body hair. I do struggle with feeling exposed in my swimmers. I *want* to look "hot" in swimmers. We are so conditioned to want that. It makes me sad.

The irony? It's years of trying to be thinner that have made me fat. There are many studies to show that calorie restrictive diets and excessive exercise make you lose weight-but after the diet ends most (like around 95%) of people put the weight back on-with interest! So those few big, short term weight loss successes I had are part of my body's desire to stay fat now to protect itself from "starvation". So I'll continue to practice Health At Every Size (although I'm sucking at the physical activity part. Three kids. 'nuff said) and keep reading other fat acceptance blogs to stay inspired. And poke in the eye anyone who makes cow noises at me on the beach.


Stacey said...

Oh egads I hate being in swimmers too and I'm an "acceptable" size! I still have cellulite, wobbly bits etc ;). Stupid fricken society. I wish you well with your painful clothes shopping!

Rachael said...

Yeah clothes shopping (and swimmers shopping) can be a real downer.

I can be pretty darn happy with my naked reflection, but put some ill fitting clothes on and I start the hating.

It's not just about size per se either, it's the fact that so many clothes aren't made for the different shapes of womens' bodies.

Have you had a look online at all? Do you check out the fatshionista blog? I'm sure I've seen links to online shops.

Garden Pheenix said...

I think you're absolutely beautiful exactly as you are :c)

I am a size 20 and nooooothing in Ireland fits this in normal shops. So you got to the fattie bobattie shop and it's all horrible stuff, misshapen, ill fitting and extremely expensive for the crappiest quality. Penalize the fatties! Argh. So I empathize.

I also got tricksey. I went onto Old Navy online (I think they ship to Australia) and order me some damn cute fat clothes and I feel better than I have in like... 6 years. Seriously. And, I dunno if it's the same for you, but for what I bought there I got 17 articles of clothing whereas for the same price here, I would've only gotten 4.

*Spins in her new maxi dress* I haz dress naow!

Good luck :cD


katepickle said...

the clothes thing bugs me...
I reckon we could all be more accepting of ourselves if it was easy to find decently priced clothes that fit and look great...

Juniper said...

I totally get what you are saying! And I agree with all of the comments, and what Kate and Rach said, it isn't so much size, as finding clothes that fit different shapes of women!

Being short and curvy gives me grief too - seems the designers expect that as your size goes up, so does your height (hello, it doesn't!)

Kate said...

I'm in this boat too. And I'm an 'acceptable' size/build (when not lugging a baby belly lol) too. I don't do
bathers in public without huge angst that has been my constant companion since I was 13 or so.

Body acceptance is a hard thing huh?

I always thought by my mid 30's (so, nearly now) I'd surely be comfortable in my skin.

I always think the greatest gift I could ever give my daughters is the ability to truly appreciate the wonder of their bodies. Too bad society fights this at every turn mo matter what your shape :s

YK the happiest I've ever been with my body has been in the immediate post-partum period. Blown up sore boobs, jelly belly and all. And I wonder if it's because in that brief time I'm able to fully appreciate that my body has created and sustained life, and that new life is of such focus and importance that everything else falls by the wayside.

Then the baby gets to about 6 weeks and I start wondering when the baby weight will move.

Sorry, essay lol!! Topic close to my heart too.

Ayla said...

I could have written your post. I so hear you on the irony, fucking diet industry :( *hugs*

jenmac said...

You are soooo beautiful.

I hear you. I am a fairly 'acceptable' size for society only alas, now old at nearly 40. I am comfy in boardies but no bathing top fits me! My boobs at 14E go nearly to my waist and are more like elongated sausages when Si has had a big drink.

Well, they are serving their purpose to nourish. :)

Can we do a meet up at Talle creek? x

Marita said...

I'm so here with you. Trying to love the person I am, focusing on being fit and healthy and the size my body is happy being, not thin for the sake of looking pretty.

We have a wedding coming up and I need to buy clothes for it. I'm dreading this.

Swimming is horrid when I'm out of the water. As soon as I'm in there with my girls I'm happy again.

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