I had a horrible day yesterday. Just one of those days that was long and hard. Throw a bit of PMS into the mix and it was a recipe for disaster.
I have really struggled with the last 6 months of mothering 3 children. I found the first 6 months relatively easy. It was not without ups and downs (such is life)but I was not collapsing into bed each night exhausted or counting down the minutes until Luke arrives home. The reality of having 3 children born so close together has set in.
Yesterday there was retrieving chewed up pastels from the toddlers mouth, being drawn in to adjudicate fights between the older 2, endless requests for help, weeing into undies, being chastised for selecting the wrong cup for milk and sandpit toys being bought onto the couch. It all sounds pretty petty right?
And it is. But it's OK to feel overwhelmed sometimes. Being the main carer for 3 small people the majority of the time is hard work.
It's taken me a long time to realize that it is only that. It's hard, draining work sometimes. It just is what it is.
It doesn't mean that I love my kids any less or that I'm doing anything wrong. It is not an attack on friends or family to make them feel they're not doing enough. It is not a cry for help. It does not make me question how I parent. It is not a sign of weakness or whining. It is not comparing my situation to anyone else's. It doesn't mean I don't love my life and feel grateful everyday.
It just is what it is.
When Tannah was a baby I struggled. I really struggled. I find it painful to even think about how hard that first year was for me. Instead of saying "This is hard" I kept my chin up and soldiered on because I made that admission up to be something that it is not. And by doing that I made it harder for myself. Sometimes being a parent is hard. It just is what it is.
By making it OK for me to say that I can decompress. I can be honest. I can ask for help. I can take time out. By turning it into a statement and not a judgment of myself or my kids it takes the guilt out of that admission.
If you find parenting hard at times it's OK.