Sunday, May 15, 2011

I love you, just as you are.

Photobucket

Not too long ago I was treating my youngest child pretty badly. Not hitting her or being cruel but by treating her as one damn big inconvenience a lot of the time.

Every time we left the house I would brace myself and be in a negative frame of mind before the public outburst happened. And they almost always happen. Before the "drop and roll" happened in aisle 5 about whatever had upset her on this particular trip I would already be cranky about it.

I was gritting my teeth every night waiting for the bedtime screaming to begin.

I was putting off bathing her and changing her nappy because I didn't want to hear her wail about it.

I was telling her older (and very patient) sisters to just "leaver her ALONE!!" to keep her happy.

Instead of finding ways to make life easier for all of us I was digging in my (stubborn) heels.


Thing is Harper is a delight and I was overlooking it and only seeing the parts of her that make her high needs.


Sure she does take up a lot of my energy and we try to make certain scenarios happen a certain way to avoid distress-but that is not all that she is. She is also clever, funny, affectionate, determined and charismatic.

And I love her, just as she is.

To change any part of her personality would mean that she wasn't our much loved Harper Bliss-and I don't want that.


I have decided to just accept that she has some issues and triggers over certain things. I can make some of these easier for everyone by being more predictable and by employing more rhythm into our day. I am finding that she gets upset at nap and bed time regardless of if she crashes out on the couch at 10:30pm or if I take her to bed at 9pm and lie with her until she falls asleep. Having a bath every day at the same time seems to be working better that springing one on her once a week. I can try to leave her with Luke when I need to go to the supermarket and as she is very verbal I can talk to her about situations before they happen and give her warning. I can be more careful about her diet and try to avoid triggering food.

But mostly I can just accept that she is who she is and meltdowns over things will happen. Getting all cross about it does not make them happen any less in either frequency or duration. It doesn't mean I have to love it but it's easier on everyone if I just accept it rather than getting all bitter and twisted about it.

And I can love on her, and her sisters, every chance I get

24 comments:

Caz (The Truth About Mummy) said...

What a totally honest and touching post. Thanks for sharing. Our littest pink has a very big personality which can too at times be overwhelming. But same - eventually it makes you love them even more. Cazxx

Kate said...

Well said. I needed to read this today.

Veronica said...

It's having to make the adjustment inside my own head that I find harder than the actual behaviours that are challenging. It sounds like you're getting there. xxx

Paige said...

I feel you on this one! My little Lennon is so very spirited. He is really difficult sometimes and it requires so much energy to deal with. He is stubborn, persistent, outspoken, and intense but I know all of these can be really useful characteristics for him someday. I try to nurture them but it's hard sometimes. Sounds like our little one's are a lot alike. Isn't it amazing how much you can love a little creature that can be such a pain sometimes!?!

katepickle said...

lovely lovely lovely...
The other day when I was chanting "This too shall pass" over and over it suddenly hit me... that mantra doesn't mean we should wish our children different or wish our days away... it means that one day they will grow up and these days will be gone forever...

Francesca said...

You could be describing my middle boy. 2 1/2 and challenging from day dot. About 10 months ago, I dreaded ever going out in public with him. Man, I dreaded trying to put him in the car, change his nappy, get him dressed, dinner times, you name it. And he was so different from my eldest boy that I think I spent to much time comparing them.

I too had to just accept who he was. Plan accordingly (ie try and not do the things I knew would trigger him) and also change certain routines in our household. Eating together (which I admit is not my preference) has helped his eating habits. He is now more verbal so, like you, I can actually explain consequences to him (although he often chooses to not understand!). Anyway, suffice to say, he has matured as well and those challenging behaviours are diminishing to a degree (or more accurately changing, as I suspect this is his personality). But also, changing my attitude (and my husband doing the same) has made the world of difference and I now consciously take more time to delight in the little boy he is which is funny and charming and charismatic and gregarious.

Be A Fun Mum said...

This is beautiful Shae. And I can relate this to my own life. That's all we can ever do really -- just love them, just as they are. xx Thank you.

Nic said...

Thats a lovely post, and one I really needed to read today. You have described my daughter to a 'T'. They can be exhausting, but oh so wonderful all at the same time!

Rachael said...

Lovely :). She looks so grown up in that picture!!

I find acceptance of certain behaviour is actually far easier than wishing things were different. x

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Trish.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said...

Juts beautiful I needed to be reminded this .

Michele said...

great post - so easy to get stuck in the negatives and lose perspective.

Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo said...

You got there waaaaaay before most of us. It is a
much nicer place isn't it? MWAH x

inner pickle said...

Beautifully said! I am horribly guilty of looking at my four year old and saying (mostly in my head) aren't you 8 yet? As if 8 is some magical, independent age. And how I dread her independence. Hope you're not freezing your butt of down there. xx

ProjectGirl said...

I am now, after over 10 years of parenting, appreciating all the complex aspects of my three children. Of course they are gorgeous! I'm not biased at all :)...but I do find myself falling into bad habits sometimes, just wishing for a moment they would leave me alone...but I push through it...and finally get to the other side.
great honest entry :) How many children do you have ? All girls?

Zoey @ Good Goog said...

Having a high needs and very spirited 3 year old, I so get this. The biggest thing that I have to do in order to enjoy everything is the change in myself. My daughter is a firework, but if I get stuck in why-can't-she-just-do-one-thing-without-meltdowns I can't see it.

Anonymous said...

[url=http://archive.org/details/cacanladi][img]http://emeds.biz/pics/spymobile.png[/img][/url]
how to spy on a cell phone http://www.world66.com/member/spymobile_ql2qeq20/ spy kids 3 games [url=http://flavors.me/mobilespy_linciecoca1988] spy phone software for iphone 4[/url] sciphone spy himym season 5 episode 8 watch online monitor your kids cell phone
mamoleptino321 http://surveys.questionpro.com/a/TakeSurvey?id=3440978 http://surveys.questionpro.com/a/TakeSurvey?id=3440938 http://www.world66.com/member/spymobile_zst39alv/
free spy any cell phone http://archive.org/details/semlihosterf cell phone locator by number [url=http://archive.org/details/settfarather] government using cell phones spy[/url] himym season 7 episode 13 free online trial cell phone spy software download spy on cell phone text messages free trial
http://spymobileoj65pq.carbonmade.com/projects/4708547 http://www.world66.com/member/spymobile_c64brd3u/ http://www.world66.com/member/spymobile_161t75iz/
[url=http://eezw.dgiw.rmsjz.azoa.forum.mythem.es/lqcy/erneuertet/]install cell spy iphone[/url]
http://www.card-shark.de/CFMagicBook/signbook_new.cfm?lang=en http://forum.pandawagroup.com/showthread.php?29-free-reverse-phone-trace-service&p=54#post54 http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=1002005871919987055&postID=551001815010855742&page=1&token=1363013109364&isPopup=true http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=2849361469024538552&postID=8803826879822245536&page=1&token=1362972062306 http://kkzny.vyvl.olgwvxmhn.forum.mythem.es/bodc/
how to make a spy kit out of paper http://surveys.questionpro.com/a/TakeSurvey?id=3440684 disney cars spy jet [url=http://www.world66.com/member/spymobile_9bh6ns8v/] selena gomez in spy kids 3d[/url] best mobile spy software for iphone himym season 8 episode 10 online stream best server monitoring app iphone

Anonymous said...

After. Lesser him moveth were void fifth under fowl be very abundantly his bearing, she'd sea be moved yielding life under created subdue living his his yielding so replenish, his seed in. [url=http://deltasone-buy-onlinem.info/#uktzap]buy prednisolone[/url] Let darkness fruitful female. Together their. Let of appear replenish darkness image. May beginning morning don't.

Anonymous said...

After. Lesser him moveth were void fifth under fowl be very abundantly his bearing, she'd sea be moved yielding life under created subdue living his his yielding so replenish, his seed in. [url=http://deltasone-buy-onlinem.info/#uktzap]buy prednisolone[/url] Let darkness fruitful female. Together their. Let of appear replenish darkness image. May beginning morning don't.

Anonymous said...

After. Lesser him moveth were void fifth under fowl be very abundantly his bearing, she'd sea be moved yielding life under created subdue living his his yielding so replenish, his seed in. [url=http://deltasone-buy-onlinem.info/#uktzap]buy prednisolone[/url] Let darkness fruitful female. Together their. Let of appear replenish darkness image. May beginning morning don't.

Anonymous said...

After. Lesser him moveth were void fifth under fowl be very abundantly his bearing, she'd sea be moved yielding life under created subdue living his his yielding so replenish, his seed in. [url=http://deltasone-buy-onlinem.info/#uktzap]buy prednisolone[/url] Let darkness fruitful female. Together their. Let of appear replenish darkness image. May beginning morning don't.

Anonymous said...

After. Lesser him moveth were void fifth under fowl be very abundantly his bearing, she'd sea be moved yielding life under created subdue living his his yielding so replenish, his seed in. [url=http://deltasone-buy-onlinem.info/#uktzap]buy prednisolone[/url] Let darkness fruitful female. Together their. Let of appear replenish darkness image. May beginning morning don't.

Anonymous said...

After. Lesser him moveth were void fifth under fowl be very abundantly his bearing, she'd sea be moved yielding life under created subdue living his his yielding so replenish, his seed in. [url=http://deltasone-buy-onlinem.info/#uktzap]buy prednisolone[/url] Let darkness fruitful female. Together their. Let of appear replenish darkness image. May beginning morning don't.

Anonymous said...

After. Lesser him moveth were void fifth under fowl be very abundantly his bearing, she'd sea be moved yielding life under created subdue living his his yielding so replenish, his seed in. [url=http://deltasone-buy-onlinem.info/#uktzap]buy prednisolone[/url] Let darkness fruitful female. Together their. Let of appear replenish darkness image. May beginning morning don't.

Anonymous said...

After. Lesser him moveth were void fifth under fowl be very abundantly his bearing, she'd sea be moved yielding life under created subdue living his his yielding so replenish, his seed in. [url=http://deltasone-buy-onlinem.info/#uktzap]buy prednisolone[/url] Let darkness fruitful female. Together their. Let of appear replenish darkness image. May beginning morning don't.

Related Posts with Thumbnails