Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A moment to remember

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I've been reading some of the great "Cherish Your Cherubs"posts over at Seven Cherubs and this week we're being asked to remember a special moment. I've been inspired to add one about Tannah.

There are so many posts about how easy and beautiful my homebirths were with Harper and Willow and many more posts about the trauma of my experience birthing Tannah.

I'm not sure I've ever shared the magic experience of meeting my firstborn and my own birth into motherhood.

After all of the drugs and passing out and pain and terror the time came to push. I knew that if I didn't get down to business quickly I would be wheeled into theatre because her heart rate was not good and I was unable to move to get her into a better position to be born. I pushed, they pulled.

And then my daughter entered the world.

She was screaming-I mean really howling in pain and distress. And then they handed her to me-all creamy and new and I took her in my arms.

I looked into her eyes and she stopped crying. Just like that. And it was like we had a few seconds of being in a whole other universe together. Just she and I. I can't explain it but I knew her. Like she had always been mine and I had been put on this earth to be her mother. She looked into me, it felt like she was seeing everything.

That moment was so brief as she was taken away for all of the regulation poking and prodding and as soon as she left my arms the screaming started again.

But that probably 30 seconds of holding my firstborn in my arms just after she entered the world is my most powerful memory out of all of the births of my children. My own birth into motherhood and being overwhelmed at that instant feeling of love for my daughter is a memory I will always treasure.

When Tannah was 3 my midwife who was at Harper's birth asked her if she remembered being born and Tannah replied

"It was fast and scary and it hurt a LOT-but then there was Mum, and I knew it was OK"

Seems it might be a memory in her subconscious too.


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