Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Treading water

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This time in 2 weeks we will have started moving into the new house. We will have the keys and most of our stuff will be boxed up.

But today it feels like I'm looking at the beach from the ocean and wondering how the fuck I'm going to swim to shore. Mostly I'm treading water but sometimes I'm getting dunked under and I'm feeling tired.

It's not just the move. It's coming down from being away from home a couple of times and trying to unpack before repacking again. It's seeing Harper decompress from being out of her comfort zone and feeling apprehensive about how a whole new house will be for her. It's new activities and busy afternoons that I need to adjust to.

It's also feeling a little claustrophobic at the thought of this perhaps being a house we live in forever. The itchy feet part of me finds that a little scary when I know I should be feeling grateful.

It's leaving the house that Harper was born in. As I sit and type not a metre away from the spot where I bought her out of my body and into my arms.

Something about packing up this house feels like growing up. Maybe it's because my baby will turn 3 (THREE!!) as I'm packing and my biggest girl will turn 7 (SEVEN!!) as I'm unpacking in the new place. Maybe it's because I'm putting on my big girl panties and doing what needs to be done. Not half assing it or delegating that hard stuff.

Maybe it's just because 4 years is a long time and when I moved into this house Tannah was only a bit older than Harper is now and Willow was just a baby.

All I know is looking at all the stuff (good lord how did we accumulate so much stuff?) that needs packing makes me a bit sad that some of it is outgrown and proud that it's ours. And a little overwhelmed at the logistics of getting it from one place to another with 3 kids who need me too.

But I'm treading water and it's OK because I'm a good swimmer and I do like to swim. Maybe I need to spend some time floating on my back and looking at the sky......
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